Resolutions

I really should update more often.

This isn’t a “My resolutions for 2007 post.”

You know what I say to that, “Fuck that shit”.

I see resolutions as a way for people to instill false hope in them when faced the prospect of a new year, a clean slate. For all our lives we’ve been given false promises. Promises that haven’t been fulfilled like, “If you be quiet mommy will take you out for ice cream,” or “I’ll totally have sex with you if you get me another drink”. So why should we promise ourselves to “go to the gym more than last year,” or “eat healthier,” or “stop doing heroin” when we know we aren’t going to fulfill them, for the most part. Yes if you go to the gym twice this year when the previous year you only went once is going to the gym more, but that's just a loophole around the wording of your words. Resolutions in some ways are kind of a way for a person to be even more mediocre. A conversation may happen like this:


I hate working out, I quit.

But, this is like your second time working out so far.

All I said was to work out more, and I did. I only worked out once last year.

Carrying groceries up stairs doesn't count.

Man, fuck you.


I don't know what just happened there; hold on. Ok, there it goes.

Resolutions shouldn’t be a noun it should be a verb. It should be something done not something you say to yourself. I’m all for self-motivation, but when you say I resolve to do this and go back into old habits after a month, it doesn't really count. I know I use the exercise example a lot, but I mean it's a common resolution. Go to the gym after new years and count up the people. Now go again at least 4 times a week about the same time every day and count how many people go now. By the end of the month you’re lucky to still have half of the amount you had before. Yeah, I guess there are some problems with that model, such as the factor that people change their gym time, but fuck-it, I say it so it must be true.

I don't know where I really went with this post but the moral of the story is, don’t make resolutions, make changes. And eat your vegetables, you look like shit.